Let's Talk About Book Boyfriends—a.k.a. Fictophilia

In other words, let's talk about the #BookBoyfriend trend and what men could learn from fictional love interests to improve their relationships.

I must admit I have only recently read about fictophilia, but as soon as I saw the term, my mind went to the book boyfriend trend that keeps going strong on TikTok for the past couple of years. 

I didn’t know there was a scientific name for falling in love with fictional characters. But if you spend time on TikTok, you already know the booktok community talks a lot about book boyfriends.

As a reader, I understand the allure, but as a writer I’m more interested in what readers expect from fictional characters so I can improve my craft.

I love getting lost in a good book and I think fiction is more than escapism. It offers idealized versions of reality. And when it comes to love, it may seem easier to fall for the men between the pages than the ones we meet in real life.

As a happily married woman, I feel lucky to have my needs met and not have to long after someone who could never return my affection. I think unrequited love is a terrible punishment to inflict on yourself voluntarily.

But as a writer who’s trying to write to market (and my readers are mostly women), I’m very invested in learning about what type of characters appeal to my readers.

Perhaps you heard about the book boyfriend trend on social media that’s been a constant presence in recent years.

But why is that? What is it about these book boyfriends that makes them so irresistible, and what does it reveal about what women really want in a man? To understand this phenomenon, we need to discuss fictophilia — the attraction to fictional characters — and how it shapes women’s expectations, desires, and, yes, sometimes even disappointments.

The Rise of the “Book Boyfriend”

Fictophilia, represents an emotional (usually romantic) attachment to a fictional character. For some reason, it seems predominant in women, or I may be biased because women talk more about their favorite books and the allure of certain characters.

It’s not just about admiration or fandom; it’s about something deeper — an emotional connection that feels personal. For many women, this connection manifests through the idea of the book boyfriend. These are characters who, if they existed in the real world, the readers would pursue with every ounce of devotion and longing.

The fictional boyfriend trend isn’t new, but it spread like wildfire on social media, especially among romance and fantasy readers. These book boyfriends are a list of traits that women might desire in a partner but rarely find. Combined, they form the ideal partner for most women, and it’s not what men think. Well, most of the times. These book boyfriends are loyal, emotionally intelligent, and often beautifully flawed.

I think what makes these book boyfriends special lies in how they make the female character feel. Sure muscles are nice to look at, but his physical strength it’s what makes her feel safe, protected. In society where violence toward women is prevalent, a man who makes you feel protected is incredibly sexy.

An equally strong man but who is abusive, would not make it to the book boyfriends list. Although I’m aware there’s a subgenre of romance called bully romance, but I’ve never read such stories. If you’re familiar with it, I’d appreciate your feedback here. That’s why so many swoon-worthy heroes are monsters (some literally in fantasy: vampires, werewolves, gargoyles, and so on), but always chivalrous and kind to her.

This links well with the “touch her and die” trope that I discuss later in this article. This brings me to the next point — fanfiction.

Fictophilia in Fanfiction

Fanfiction may very well be the purest form of fictophilia. It’s not just about reading a story and moving on. It’s about holding on to that character, that connection, and expanding it in ways that feel even more personal. I’ve seen this firsthand as a fanfiction writer. There’s something incredibly satisfying about taking a fictional character you love and continuing their story, or even better, inserting oneself into it.

A study in 2021 showed that people who are obsessed with fictional characters often daydream, dress up, drawing, or turn to writing fanfiction. It’s a way of keeping that character alive, of nurturing the relationship we’ve formed with them. And really, who could blame anyone for wanting to hold on to that connection? Fictional characters don’t disappoint. They don’t forget birthdays, make empty promises, or fail to communicate their feelings.

They are everything we want them to be because, in many ways, they are us — they reflect our desires, our dreams, our idealized versions of what a relationship should look like.

Fiction vs. Reality: What Are Women Really Looking For?

There’s a debate — mostly fueled by disgruntled men, it seems — about how reading romance novels has raised women’s expectations so high that no man seems good enough. I’ve seen a couple of TikTok videos wanting to ban women from reading romance. The accusation is that real men can’t possibly compete with these fictional paragons of love and virtue.

But here’s the thing — it’s not about perfection. And since we’re talking romance, no, it’s not about the size either. I’d make an exception for fantasy book boyfriends that are either immortal, or have physical attributes impossible for humans. But rest assured that women don’t expect real men to have wings or fangs.

What women see in fictional characters and wish they had in real life is something different: consistency, emotional depth, and a level of devotion that goes beyond surface-level attraction. In other words, women are looking for men who can see them, who value their pleasure and happiness as much as their own.

Take a look at any Reddit thread discussing fictional boyfriends, and you’ll find common themes about what makes these characters so desirable. One phrase that pops up often is “sweet in the streets, freak in the sheets.” What does this tell us? Women want a balance. Kindness, respect, and to read the room in everyday life, but also be passionate and intense behind closed doors.

Read more in the original article on Medium.